Thirteen months ago
The flutters in my stomach work a mile a minute. When I heard the rumors going around school today my ears rang and burned with the stories. I spent math period going through why I should see Reagan and ways it could go wrong, so wrong. Reagan was an Orniel, famous for his temper. Since SABASTIAN left I admit that I avoided Reagan. I blamed it all on him I guess, if he had liked me, if he had noticed me then maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t have had those months with Sabastian. I wouldn’t have the memories of his hands as they dug into my skin. The taste of his lips on my lips when ever he felt like, ‘just because’ he’d say before he devoured me. If Reagan saw me more than his neighbor I wouldn’t have the hollowness I feel now that Sabastian Delroy is gone. If Reagan had just noticed the way I use to look at him when he smiled, Sabastian Delroy never would’ve destroyed me. So yes I blamed him ‘cause now as I stood in front of his door banging on it, whilst I rang the bell like a crazy girl I wasn’t sure how I felt about Reagan any longer. I just knew that I had to see if he was okay.
“Reagan, I know you in there, open the door, it’s freezin’.” I scream when I get no answer.
“This better be important Dainy.” The door barely widens enough when I force my way inside the Orniel Mansion, mindful to not touch his arm when I go under it ‘cause I know he hurt it during practice today. I ignore the loud voices coming from the tv room, and the silent ones coming from my nerves.
“Of course it is, you flunked Geo, nobody flunks Geo in L.H Private Orniel, now the whole school knows about your daddy’s affair, why would you do it, I heard coach is gonna bench you.”
His blue eyes narrow in confusion, “you worried about a rumor, that has absolutely nothing to do with you.”
I place my hand on my hip, and he follows the movement, but nothing happens to me, I’m completely broken. When he steps forward I look up at him, and it’s like he wants to kiss me, but he must see something in my eyes because instead he lifts his fingers and pushes a strand of my hair behind my ears, taking a step back.
“I didn’t flunk Geo Dainy,” he says it so quietly, almost as if he has lost a major battle, or his tired, I’m betting on the first, “I got a C it’s was a shit grade but it’s not an F.”
We driving in the jeep, toward Reagan’s place. The early morning is silent, the aircon on, the windows up, when I break the silence, “Do you remember that night when I came to your place at ten in the night after Cory told the whole school you flunked geo?”
“Yeah.” His voice quiet.
“I thought you’d kiss me that day, why didn’t you.”
“You just broke up with Sabastian, I didn’t know he wasn’t serious about you until I asked him, that was seven months after that, by then it just seemed easier to keep it platonic.”
“Then I became another notch in your sex jacket.” I don’t know why I say it with such venom. It just slips out.
He chuckles, “I thought so at first, but once it all settled in I knew you wasn’t. I’ve always known you were different Dainy, I’m not going to tell you that I’ve been pining for you all these years ‘cause it’ll be a lie. I’ve never wanted a relationship, I liked my life the way it was. I had a plan, and you wasn’t in it, and then I saw you that day after I slept in your bed, and I really saw you, since then, I just couldn’t stop.” I’m quiet as I look out the vacant window.
“I still see you Dainy, I see the pain when you look at him, he hurt you when he left, but that part is for him Dainy, what you and me are walking toward will be ours.” He takes my hand resting on my naked thigh linking it to his and the act surprises me enough to turn my head. I look at the boy I once loved, now becoming a man and I just know it’ll be alright.
Song of the episode (Sia – Dim the lights)