He took everything from me, now it’s my turn and what my husband isn’t expecting, is that I play on BLOOD
I was his second choice, his biggest mistake. I never wanted things to turn out the way they did, but they did. Now my choice is limited. Join him, or end him. What will I choose? The clock is ticking, my friend’s life is hanging on a thread and I, Aliyana Capello am the only one who can save him. But at what cost?
I love my husband, but sometimes love is not enough, sometimes there are more important moves that need to be made. It is unfortunate that some would need to fall so I, the Queen of Killers can take my place and lead them all.
Once all is done, I will need to confess. So I am going to start by saying forgive me.
I was supposed to write this email a while back, but I didn’t know where to start or how to. I must apologize for the inconvenience the cancellation has caused you, as I am aware that you have been waiting patiently for the release that seems to never come. I am so sorry for all of this. I have been trying to sort everything out with KDP, but they have been giving me different stories. The lady who called me assured me that while they had a technical error which led to my pre-order getting cancelled that could not email anyone informing them of what happened nor would they assist by giving me an email address of the customers (I could understand the latter).
So I decided to not add another pre-order, and just publish the book which was initially supposed to be Thursday, 18th February 2021. But to give everyone time to read this email and digest the news, I am going to Publish the book on Monday, 22nd February 2021.
I will be adding posts on all my social media sites, as well as sending out reminders on the day of release. I hope this doesn’t dampen your spirits and you are still excited about the books release.
Later on today I will release the 1st, 3 Chapters of Queen of Killers on my blog page as well as a few snippets on the Website. Please feel free to read it.
If you require any information please don’t hesitate to email me on shanRk@zoho.com
I am extremely grateful for your understanding and thank you so much for your continuous support and loyalty during times like these.
People don’t ask me when I became this way. No one can tell me that they understand why I am the way I am. I have never been normal. I wasn’t born in the world that most of you are born into. My world is not like yours. We call it The Fifth State. The life of the ones born with a target on their backs. An early grave. Our life is tied solely to our last name and how quick one can pull a trigger and get rid of the body.
My life has always been this way.
Death is inevitable. You either the one with the gun in your hand or the one pissing his pants. Life is something I learned to live like it is my last day, because today might just be that, my last day. The chances of an early grave has been instilled in me from the day I opened, my unseeing eyes. I was born and grew up knowing that my father carried a gun in his right pocket. That the ring on his index finger means that he is part of a dangerous family, the Catelli Famiglia.
Nobody fucked with our family or our kind and lived to tell the tale.
I was born knowing that one day I will marry a Made-man. And maybe I was born to be lucky as not having to marry for power or one of the other fucked up reasons our fathers chose our spouses, but I was born to be the wife of a criminal.
The extent of his crimes are still to be seen.
Us – the females of the Famiglia are honed to be wives to Made-Men, to turn a blind eye when our spouses have mistresses because that is their way of protecting us. I can’t say I’ve never wanted this life. It will be a worthless thought, as I have only ever known this way, and will die only ever knowing it too. We aren’t born in the Mafia to grow up and leave. That only happens in movies and books and even those, the happy endings aren’t that happy. Let us face facts, are we going to be happy walking away from who we are?
Are we going to be happy living a simple life, relying on a bunch of fucking cops to sort out our shit when trouble finds us? No, we would be miserable.
My granddad, a Capo, said that it is easier to off a man and hide the body than to report a crime and wait for the cops. It is a messed up response to life but sadly it is true. Many people look at us in horror as they hear the whispers of how bad the lives we live. Our men getting caught. The tabloids that slaughters our family names, paints us as monsters. Those lives that we call normal, the only one we will live gets looked upon with disgust, awe, jealousy. I will tell you now that it isn’t that bad.
It is like never falling prey to a handsome man.
How would one know the pain of a broken heart if you have never tasted the bliss of a forbidden fruit? We live our lives with no thoughts of how we are going to pay our bills. We take what we want. It is the only way we know. Our men take the risk and we, the women live in the benefits. Now while many of you had heard the way of the Mafia, the way of the Famiglia, I live in it. Here, now, I confess my sins. I tell you the way of the Mafia, I will tell you the way of our world without sugar coating it.
My name is Aliyana Capello, daughter of Consigliere Sartini Capello and this is my confession.
There is hope in all of us, a small glimmer of it even in the evilest of villains to walk the earth.
And love, oh love, a human emotion that is reckless, wild, and free as it paints you into the promise of its false truth, that is our fail switch. Humanity- one emotion that is weak, well at least that is what my papa says.
We sacrifice so much for it that in the end we are a mirror of our suicide. I, Aliyana Capello am not immune to the dealings of the heart when it comes to one man.
I am as vulnerable as if I have already slit my own throat.
“He is so handsome,” I say as I look at the guy walking in front of my sister and I. Leonardo Catelli, third son of our Capo.
Today is a special day for the Famiglia. Marco and Deno Catelli will be choosing their brides. The future heirs of the Famiglia.
“Gli sciocchi si innamorano Yana.” Fools fall in love Yana.
“Sono una sciocca in amore,” I am a fool in love. I inform my eldest sister as we walk to the back of the hall to drop off the biscuits my stepmother made for tonight.
She laughs and her black hair shakes as she tries hard to make the loud noise quieter. I don’t understand why she bothers. She is loud.
My stepmother has tried for years to tame Guilia, but her mother, my papa’s first wife was a free spirit. She died not long after giving birth.
Guilia is just like her, with light green eyes and a brilliant smile that lights up any darkness. My papa told me that he liked Guilia and Filippo’s mother because she never backed out of a challenge. But like her mother she would never get to choose whom she loves.
Guilia will never experience the joy of a kiss with her first crush.
Because for ones like my sister, love will be something that will grow, and die a sudden death.
“Do you find it strange that he sees you every day yet still looks right passed you.” Her strong accent voices out the words I ask myself a thousand times a day.
I smile, because the closest to the real thing she’d ever get to a romance would be through me, even if it is unreciprocated. For now
“Yes, but when the time comes I will eventually make him see me.”
“You are 18 Yana, papa won’t allow you to pass another birthday without an engagement. You are so lucky to choose. I say you better snatch him up before someone beats you to it.” Words can come so easy, but the truth is he is a Catelli and they are pure bloods.
“I am half Russian Guilia.”
“A beautiful half Italian woman, who is educated. Any man would be happy to have you Yana.”
“Guilia, Yana.” We hear the sound of our names coming from a man behind us as we place the four trays of biscuits on the wooden counter. A huge grin brightens my face as the man walks closer to us.
“RENO!!!” My sister practically screams as my brown haired, grey-eyed and deeply tanned skin, best-friend shows himself.
His light blue jeans are filled with holes as his white tee shirt hangs loose around his torso but the promise of his shoulders broadening in a few years is not hidden. No, he is a true Italian man.
I whistle as I throw myself in his arms, “Black and red Jordans. You put in all the stops today, is Diamond here?”
He hugs me back and kisses me gently on my head and it is not the first time I wish that he could be the brother I want to marry. We are so much better together. It will be as simple as looking at him.
Reno is easy, but his heart belongs to a friend of mine named Diamond. She is a biker Princess from Liston Hills and the only one he loves. When he met her, I was there and I knew, she was his.
“No, my father insisted I come alone. I heard Leonardo got his eye on someone.” Reno makes a funny pout face as he swipes a biscuit from one of the trays.
“So Diamond isn’t coming?” I am surprised, she said she’ll be there tonight. It was the reason I extended the invitation to Kylie Bray.
“Of course she is coming. Kylie is bringing her as a plus one.” He rubs his shadowed beard as he looks behind me at the biscuits.
I roll my eyes, “You can take a few more, but if my stepmother finds out you are on your own.”
“I don’t know why we had to do it here in Washington, why not New York,” Guilia groans as Reno fills his left hand with biscuits.
She didn’t like Washington, but my sister liked the man who controlled it. A man I have never met. She saw him once.
“Marco and Deno take residence this side. My father wanted to see how the city is doing since my brothers took this side up with Vincent. Seattle is thriving, if all goes well my brothers will control more places and make the family stronger.”
He touches Guilia’s nose when she scrunches it. My sister, like most of the women know nothing of the dealings of our men. I have never been one of them. The dealings of our men were something I knew way too much about.
We talk about college and Diamond, and Kylie. Reno’s charm is infectious, and his don’t care attitude makes him my sisters focal point for the next thirty odd minutes.
My sister didn’t get the option of University as she didn’t make the cut. She didn’t see the need to apply for college either, with her impending engagement to whoever my father would choose. She was 23 and it was her one wish that Papa not marry her off before I finish school. It was a year back when my Papa fulfilled that promise. Guilia knew that her time had come. And I think secretly she wanted to get it done.
Papa kept Guilia under a very tight leash.
Which meant, she never saw many men very often, especially ones as handsome as Reno.
I am not surprised that she dots on every word Reno says. I am not surprised that her longing gaze stares at him without blinking either. It is times like these that I don’t wish to be a full bred Italian. That I am glad my father married my mother.
I ache for her and my other sister, who spend most of their time with my stepmother taking up the house or attending Gala’s and functions.
My father sent me to boarding school in Chicago when he witnessed my stepmother’s monstrous tongue lashing she gave me on a regular basis.
My papa slapped her a few times, but leaving her would’ve made him look weak.
He came home one evening and told our house maker to pack my bags. It was the next morning that I found out I was leaving to Chicago.
There was a group of kids selected to go to Chicago as a peace offering between two Italian syndicates. I was the only girl, and my papa had to deal with a lot of the questions that came from his decision but the alternative was worse.
All he ever wanted was to protect me. That is what he told me the morning I left. Didn’t mean it felt right at the time. I was only 11. Barely of age to take care of myself.
It was like we were pawned off. I never thought that we could become a family of our own.
For seven years we stuck together. Romero, Michel, Lorenzo (Reno), Gabriel and I.
The five of us were inseparable. We weren’t accepted in Chicago as our parents had hoped. I was treated the worse, and called a whore for staying with four boys.
What the other kids hoped would make us miserable, made us stronger. In the end we decided to join the same University, here in Washington.
To the people in the Famiglia, these four boys are my brothers. After seven years, the stories amongst our kind became history and my father’s choice of sending his half-blood daughter was looked as an honorable action, not a suicide to his name.
But unfortunately, marriage to any one of the four boys would be considered a scandal. It was the one thing my father couldn’t be clearer about as I got older.
The thing is, I didn’t care, they, were not him.
When I first saw Leonardo Catelli it was two days after my fifteenth birthday and the first day of summer vacation. He was moaning to Reno and Gabriel about having to fetch us.
He looked right past me. I never existed then, and I didn’t exist now. I was Yana, Reno’s friend.
It was my own personal torture that Leonardo Catelli became the only one for me. Maybe it was his voice, or his broad shoulders, or the fact that he was always smiling. Or those few moments we shared on the rare occasions he actually knew I existed. Whatever the reason, it got me to University, got me to Washington, got me to look at him as he crossed the Campus grounds and attended frat parties.
Sometimes I wondered if he was the only reason I chose to study business.
My papa was proud when I announced that I was going to further my studies.
He always empowered me.
In more ways than one.
Except when it came to the matters of the heart, I was clueless as my sister. My father preached to me that love will not guarantee me a stress free life.
“I have not met your brother, Marco. Is he as charming as Deno?” I tease, aware that my sister is hoping to get chosen by Marco. I have not seen the man in person but his brother, Deno is a regular when Reno is around. His dark humor always welcome. If I could say it aloud, I would call him a friend.
But it has been a while since I have seen him. There are rumors that the Famiglia is shifting power. And Deno Catelli is the name whispered as the main player.
Unlike my sisters and most women of the Famiglia and even the ones that make up the 5th State, I know the dealings of our men.
Growing up I was always ashamed of having only half Italian blood. My papa told me to be proud of the Bratva’s blood in my veins. He said our women were strong but the Russian’s made their women unbreakable. He said I am unbreakable. I like to believe that is true.
“He’s hard work, thank fuck you don’t have to marry for power or you might just be stuck with one of my clan.” He laughs and I smack his arm knowing he is teasing me because of Leonardo.
Reno has known about my affections for his brother from that first day.
“I have to leave you ladies now. Guilia, it was lovely seeing you again. And my Yana Banana. I’ll be your plus one tonight, so wear something short and fleshy.” He winks at me as he saunters off.
“He has a sexy butt, your friend must sleep really well.” My sister sighs as she watches Reno leave.
“It’s the hormones. Control them, we have three hours to get ready, let’s go, our stepmother will be bitching a fit if we’re late.”
“I don’t know why you care so much about her,” Giulia says.
“She is Elia and Serena’s mother, we don’t have a choice.” My sister opens the black Mercedes as she takes off her light blue heels and throws them in the back of the convertible.
Her skin tight jeans and Blue top screams sexy, she is so tall that I know she could have done well in modeling.
My short form, pale skin, blue eyes and ash blonde hair is everything that sets us apart.
Our thin built is the one thing we share from our father.
“There is always a choice, we can go Gunzo on her and zap zap, ditch the body. Who would know?” Guilia says it like that can be an option as she starts the car. I slam my door closed.
“Ilaria is papa’s wife, we can’t go zap zap, or someone would zap zap us,” I inform my sister. We both hate the woman but tolerate her, I more than Guilia.
But my sister is lucky there, as she is the eldest daughter, and my eldest brother, Filippo will never let anyone harm our spirited sister.
We get home in an hour. The familiarity of it is welcomed to me as I have lived here for a while, with my papa.
This house is one of my fathers’ many properties. Like most in the Famiglia, my father has legitimate businesses and The 5th State ones.
The four floor Mansion me and my sister walk into is one of the legitimate things he owns. Real Estate.
“Hello, siamo a casa papa.” We are home papa
My papa doesn’t respond. He is either busy or out back in the gardens.
“You two are quite cheerful today, excited for tonight.”
Filippo my eldest brother walks out from the open arch way leading to the study. His voice is deep and loud as his big smile makes us giddy. I haven’t seen him in a month.
He looks handsome and refined in his navy suit and grey tie, Guilia and I picked out for him last week.
We both say my brother is a handsomer version of Christian Grey. He has grey/brown eyes and dark hair which is almost black. His jaw is clean shaven and when he smiles he has a dimple just under his eye.
“I didn’t know you were here, Papa said you would make it only tonight.” I say as my brother kisses me first on my cheeks, then my sister.
“Ah, Papa, wanted to surprise you.” He grabs us by one hand each and we follow him.
We know Filippo, he has got us something. He is always giving us presents.
I hear the sound of my other sister and brother, as we pass the back door leading to the pool. We like to call them the devil twins. They could burn the house down without a match stick.
“Papa is gone out, he took my car, should be back in a few, but I got something for the two of you.” He says as he opens the garage door.
I see it first and squeal jumping like a mad thing. It is a Lime Green Ashton Martin Vantage. My sister takes a few seconds to realize that this is the car we have wanted forever.
She jumps with me and we both throw ourselves at Filippo.
I kiss his cheeks and he laughs, trying to hold both of us.
Guilia almost falls but someone stops her and she makes a funny noise that has me releasing my brother and looking at the man that has his arm around my sister’s waist.
He is older, his early to mid-thirties. He has broad shoulders that stand out behind his suit jacket and a lethal presence that has me frowning.
His black eyes send shivers everywhere through my body as it stares at me while my sister takes a step back. The eyes of a killer.
A dark shadowed face and black unkempt hair is unlike a Made-Man but everything else is exact. From the shiny tan shoes, to the tailored cream pants and matching jacket.
He is a Made-Mad-Man.
I have always been attracted to a man with big hands. It is the only reason as to why my eyes go to his. Thick, long fingers, with veins around his knuckles and a long cut on his forefinger, makes me swallow hard. His hands can easily wrap around my neck, overpowering me. I frown, looking at his hand because he is currently holding that hand out waiting for me to take it.
Everything in me is screaming not to touch him. My body wants to run, so why is that I can’t drop my eyes from his.
I don’t want to be rude and disrespect my brother so I put my big pants on and my small hand in his. He closes his fingers around my dainty ones. His touch is rough, and firm, and his hands are neither cold nor warm. I don’t appreciate my bodies reaction to him. My pulse that beats on my wrist, the flush coming to my cheeks. The heat I feel emanating from his eyes.
He is staring, Aliyana. Don’t let him know you are affected by him.
“It is a pleasure to meet you..” His voice is deep, too deep, I don’t like it. He senses my need to remove my hand and grips it tighter. The action has my eyes stabbing right through his. Black, black eyes. Evil. But even evil is beauty. I deny the slight kick I get when his mouth twitches. He is waiting for my name. I need to tell him.
“Aliyana, I am Filippo’s sister.”
“Ah, Aliyana. I am Marco,” He replies.
He drops it, but not before brushing the inside of my palm as he does. The touch is intimate. The most intimate thing I have ever experienced no doubt in my sheltered life. Living with the four guys didn’t make me have more freedom. In fact it made any privacy impossible.
I take a step away, removing myself from our close proximity and behold my eyes, walking closer to us is Leonardo Catelli. He is a mystery to the Catelli bloodline. Where his brothers are dark, he is light. Brown eyes that are perfect, look at me, and as always, I remain like a statue. Marco is tall, but Leonardo is much taller than his older brother.
“You two go inside, we need to talk business. The keys to the car are on the dresser in my room, you can drive to Azure tonight.” Filippo orders us and I kiss my brother as my sister moons over Marco. I have to pull her arm so she comes inside with me. And even then she turns her head around at least a few times. I do it once, as I close the door to our home. One day I would ask myself why my gaze is drawn to Marco Catelli, a man with mad eyes and not the one whom I want. Dark vs Light.
“We are stalkers Yana.” My sister mumbles from next to me.
I don’t miss Leonardo watching us with a small smile on his thick lips.
We’ve been peeping from the top of my bedroom window at the three of them for the last twenty minutes.
They have now taken their discussion to the patio. Sitting on the large out door lounge suites we purchased just two days ago. It makes it easier for us to see them.
He is so cute. “Leonardo and you will make a great couple Aliyana, imagine what your babies would look like, and Marco, ah Yana.” She groans my name nudging me on my king size bed.
I sigh, throwing myself flat on the black and purple bedding, looking at the ceiling, “He is the guy for me, tonight at the dinner I am going to make my move.”
“We need to go shopping,” My sister declares, her eyes widening with glee. But not even this moment, can we hide her fear of tonight.
She will become betroth to a Made-man of my father’s choosing tonight.
Who? I don’t know, my papa has not mentioned it. After tonight my sister will prepare for her engagement. The only thing that keeps us sane about this night, is that my papa will choose well and Marco and Deno will also be choosing their brides. My sister is hoping for Marco, but Deno is a better choice in my opinion. My forehead scrunches into a frown as I relive that split second when Marco touched my palm. It was a graze, but I feel like it is something more.
I stare at my sister, knowing what lies ahead.
Every family has their fortunate ones and the unfortunate. For mine it was my parent’s marriage been that of the fortunate.
My mother was a woman, a 9th generation member of the Bratva. She was also the love of my father’s life.
My father, born and raised to be a powerful member of the Famiglia, a Consigliere to the Capo Dei Capi, The boss of all bosses. He is the one who controls the entire 5th State, or as commoners know it as the Underworld.
All the Capo’s regardless of whether you were Italian or Irish, answered to him.
Whoever he is, nobody knows besides a select few. My father is one of those people.
When the Russians landed in New York, they agreed a peace offering. A marriage between my mother and Papa was negotiated.
My parents were young and fortunate, as they fell in love with each other and all was good, in fact Papa said it was amazing. The Russians and the Italians were happy, until the time came for the offering. The Bratva agreed on peace on one condition, that the first child which they’d hoped was a boy would be given to them at age 5. But my mother bore a girl and when the time came, they couldn’t do it.
So, the Famiglia protected her as they knew how.
Until the Capo of the Famiglia declared an end to his reign, and the new Capo rose. The decision was not made by the Capo Dei Capi as my sister’s life wasn’t that important that they take it to the true head. And our Capo seemed to have frozen his heart and gave my sister away. A deal is a deal, he said.
She was the unfortunate of my family. I, however am the fortunate sibling.
I’ve never met my sister. I was the last of my mother’s children to be born. She died when I was three so I don’t remember much. My father remarried as is custom in our world. And finally managed to produce another male. I, being the Russian’s daughter will never be forced to marry.
I am born free to have a choice of whom I choose to marry as long as he is in the Famiglia, which is fine by me. I always wished to be with Leonardo. Staring at my ceiling, I have to admit that when I saw him today, my attention was not the one he sought.
Hello to all of you bloggers and subscribers. I have disappeared recently. But, I am back now. I have been sorting out my books and writing more books and figuring out how to make the blog better. I like to think out of the box and I want to provide a quality experience that is both entertaining and informative to all of you. Unfortunately I had to also let my marketer go which was a major set back in my life, working a full time job and still maintaining my identity as a full time parent and writer can be a challenge. That is putting it lightly, but I love blogging and writing.
I needed to take a few months to come up with a schedule and a solid plan as to how I am going to do everything. I have done just that, I have realized recently the power of time management and the joys of saying no to a lot of stuff and people.
I have also recently stopped ghost writing and researching on the weekends, in order to focus more on the blog and writing. I thought the sudden change would be nerve wrecking as it is a big source of my income and as a single mother, that could be a stressful decision, however, that was not the case when I stopped a few weeks back. I actually find that I am more at peace. I now have a clear vision in where I am going and the way I wish to give back to the writing community as well as assisting our youth of today and tomorrow.
Making a difference in peoples lives has always been a goal of mine, no matter how small or large that difference is, helping someone in anyway is important. We can change the world one person at a time.
I know I have gotten off track, my apologies, so let us get back to the topic of this blog, shall we.
School Me Season 1 started late 2016 and it is now 2019, and I hope that season 4 kicks off (Again) with a big bang. A lot of people that have joined recently have not read the first three seasons. I wanted to make the three books free for a limited time, but I am not able to just yet. As one knows I pay to have the blog and the time and effort it takes to keep it running is time consuming. I offer the free content on a day to day basis and will be offering more free content, such as deleted scenes, playlists and a lot more to come up in the weeks that follow.
And maybe in time I will be able to start up the giveaways shortly. Which I think is an excellent idea. Unfortunately after the season is over, I take the work and compile it into a book and sell it for 1 to 2 dollars to try and cover the cost of the blog or at least some of it.
There is some exciting news, so read on.
School Me season 4 will be starting up from June 3rd 2019. The page a day will be sent straight to your inbox and comments and suggestion will be allowed on Goodreads, Amazon, the Website and Youtube (Yes, you have heard correctly). I am going to be posting from season 1 on to a Youtube channel called Liston Hills Series. I will post the link closer to the time and it will be 100% free to enjoy. But for those of you who would like to purchase the books and catch up in time for season 4, below is the links for the books. All books will be getting paperback copies that are going to be affordable for everyone.
Thank you for your patience and understanding and stay tuned. I am going to be posting a news letter tomorrow with sneak peaks from Killers story and Capo Dei Capi’s release date and my upcoming book I wrote with my 8 year old daughter, Kady-Co, titled ‘Shock Me Twice’ (It is a futuristic, young adult series based on Liston Hills teens) It is a 10k word book for teens and young adults.
A year ago Sabastian Delroy left Liston Hills and a heartbroken Dainy Hallow with it, now he is BACK. Only things aren’t how he left it. Seems like Ms Hallow isn’t up for the taking but fear not, a Delroy always gets his girl.
Follow the lives of Liston Hills Elite in this twelve part series as they learn that money might make the world go round but it doesn’t guarantee you happiness.
But hey, if you’re lucky, it just might buy you a whole bag of hurt.
Liston Hills is back with a vengeful twist and Dainy Hallow and Sabastian Delroy are the main suspects. Hold on Liston Hill’ers, Dainy Hallow might just be favoring orange soon.
The small town of Liston Hills, takes a wrong turn when a Gina Lorne is found dead in the towns RIVER. Sabastian and Dainy’s secrets surface as they relive the past and turn to Kylie Bray for help. Reagan Orniel knows how to catch attention when he goes missing after an encounter with his estranged relative turns bad.
And who is Lizzy Trent? All that and more in the 2nd Season of School Me
THE ELITES ARE BACK IN THE THIRD SEASON OF LISTON HILLS
Welcome back Liston Hill’ers. Secrets have a way of shedding light to an unanswered question. But, some secrets, they stir up a mountain of problems. Sabastian Delroy might be getting soft, when he gets a threatening call from a stranger. Looks like he just made a new enemy,or was it his past saying hello? Dainy takes a trip with Kylie Bray, but things don’t go according to plan. Ms. Bray’s intentions might not be as noble as Dainy thought. Watch out sweet Dainy, playing with a sinner might just get you a ticket to hell. Lizzy gets closer to finding out who killed her father, and comes face to face with Mason Bray. Be-careful new girl, a Bray is a Heart-breaker.
Hello everyone and a Happy New Year to all of you.
It has been a while since I last blogged about anything really.
The truth is, I have wrote, and deleted at least a thousand words explaining to why this is the case. Truth? I didn’t know how to tell almost three thousand people why I have been slacking (I use the word slacking with great emphasis) with all major parts in my life.
I do not believe in the thrill or joy a New Year brings, but I do believe in taking a new turn in life, changing your path.
I believe that when you hit your rock bottom you have to admit your faults and your discrepancies to yourself first. Then you have to apologize to everyone else.
So without further a due. Let me try this again .
I AM SORRY FOR MY LACK OF PROFESSIONALISM. I AM SORRY FOR NOT DELIVERING THE STUFF I INTENDED TO DELIVER. I APOLOGIZE FOR LETTING MY PERSONAL ISSUES GET IN THE WAY OF MY DREAM AND THIS VISION WE WERE CREATING TOGETHER. I AM MOST IMPORTANTLY SORRY FOR LETTING YOU DOWN.
I have no excuses and I am not going to make any. I started writing four years ago and on March 25th I will be a Self Published Author for three of those years.
Writing is everything to me, which to many reading this sounds sad but it is not sad to me.
I fell a long time ago, my life has never been a normal one (lightly speaking). I had a lot of challenges like many of you. But I blocked it out because I didn’t want my past, or where I came from to define me.
I want to define myself.
People like to believe that your past plays a role in your life, and it does to an extent. That extent is your choosing. I have seen people that come from the worst places you can imagine filled with drugs and prostitution, who made choices that were hard, and difficult so that they don’t amount to what society thinks. It amazed me then and still amazes me now. It gives the world hope for change if you just open your eyes and see. Stop just looking, start taking it all in. Understand, learn, and become who you are meant to be.
I was still realizing these things, learning so much, and I got lost along my path of discovery.
Not many of you know this, but my ex husband was the one who got me to sit down on his desk chair and put the laptop in front of me. He said write, just write your stories down. (He is definitely reading this and smiling)
Coming from a surgeon I was shocked, but for all his faults he is a wise man so I DID. And with writing books and losing myself in words I became whole for those moments.
I started to reevaluate my life, teaching myself something I didn’t know I could even do. I used to write from three in the morning ’till ten or eleven at night. I was writing a story about demons and angels, Lightwatchers and Asgaurdians, but I was also living in that world.
For those hours I was a girl with the world counting on her to defeat Hell. What I didn’t realize is subconsciously I was learning to breathe. I was finding me. The battle was really with myself, my own demons, my own sins, and mistakes all tumbled up into a kick ass story.
My book flunked when I finally published it (In case you wondering), but I made a box of copies and handed it out to a few people. They said it was brilliant and that was good enough for me, because you see, writing a story to me, is not for the praise, or the glory or fame.
Writing to me is telling you a story, is opening myself up to you, the reader. I am sharing all those hours I put into that book with you. It is an invitation to a whole new world. I am screaming in my words, yelling at you, calling you to just read me. Whether you enjoyed the book it is up to you, the reader.
I am the one who wrote it, so of course I loved it, for every word written and every scene played is all in my mind and now on paper. I like to think of it as this- My books are from my brain, so when you review me, you should ask yourself did you like my brain. (it sounds stupid, but it is something to mule over)
So after that book, House of Legions, I decided to write another book. This one many of you know, it is called Beggar, obviously the book sold A LOT of copies and it set off a chain of events- the blog, website, my first failed attempt on facebook.
I also grew as a person, started looking at the world through other peoples eyes. Trying to understand characters, what makes up a persons persona. I read a lot, traveled, got divorced.
Then I lost it all and at the time I felt low, lonely and I was just writing really dark stuff. Sometimes my hands would start to shake so I did what any author should not. I became a ghost writer, started writing scenes under another name. I joined one of the researching companies, did some research, then joined a publishing magazine. I started handing in my poetry, also under a different name (they published seven of them, crazy right?).
I started posting poetry on Instagram, then published my own poetry book, (that flunked badly) I didn’t care that it did. But while doing all of this, I slowly started to discover someone I never knew (myself).
Years ago I was a simple woman who never had the desire to have friends, who didn’t see the importance of family besides my little girl. It took me the year of 2018 to discover that I am human. I feel emotion, I like having friends and I love my family.
I connected with people, some in my life for a seasonal smile, others in my life for a reason to smile.
I learned a lot in 2018, I even learned the stress of being a single mother with no job and a kid who still smiles when you say no. And that people might be nice to you, but they are not always your friends. I learned that we meet people in our lives for different reasons, not all of them are good ones.
I experienced tears of joy. The heaviness of great loss. An untold agony of hurt. To many of you, this is your life, it is life. Trials and errors. For me, I feel that I have only started paving my own life. From a sheltered girl in a small town to the woman I am today I am proud of who I am.
Everyday it gets easier to understand the one who stares back at me from my bathroom mirror. I am no more lost because I have found my place and writing stories, sharing words with all of you is part of that place I call home.
So I want to start again.
My name is Shan R.K and I am an Author and blogger. I have a beautiful and intelligent daughter that talks at least 3000 words an hour on a quiet day.
I am a reading addict, so much so that I have mastered the art of cooking and reading to the T.
I have never been on a live podcast or video because I always chicken out. I am convinced I have a bad voice.
My mother is crazy, who loves to control everybody ( at least she tries) that I love.
My dad is scary on most days but he can crack a joke better than most comedians and dance worst than a chicken with no legs. (Sorry dad)
I hate cooking, but I am really good at it, especially 20 minute meals, which I tend to do a lot of.
Most of the time the stuff that comes out of my mouth is mostly book related. I have a dog that lives with my ex husband. His name is Falcor (yes, like never ending story), he is born on April 9th just like me.
I have a secret desire to be a vigilante and save the world (I am keeping that one for the books).
I am a terrible driver. I have written my learners like four times and still no licence (sucks a lot at times, nay for me, and yay for Uber).
Most nights I have insomnia so I tend to write a lot of stuff that I will never publish because you guys would think I am seriously a nutjob. But sometimes my mind just comes up with these crazy stories and I have to put it down to paper.
My favorite color is red on most days except when I am hormonal, then it is black because it is all I want to wear.
No matter how hot it is I still sleep with a blanket. I have this crazy idea in my head that if I don’t I will get old quickly, (I said Crazy)
And from right now, I promise to fulfill my promise to all of you and give you guys the best books you have ever read and continue my blog with the Liston Hills Series. This year 2019 I am going to take my life lessons, and break my own record.
I feel it is going to be a fulfilling year. I am going to go live soon on Instagram and overcome my fear of ‘live’ social media.
It is going to be an eye opener for me and the ones who watch. We are going to need a lot of coffee once I start that.
Thank you guys for reading this. I think this is the most I have ever spoken about myself in one sitting but I believe time is wasting so it is best to just put it all out there. Move on. Forward.
Tomorrow I will post the release dates of the books and start prepping for Liston Hills which will be returning February 4th.
Poster and trailers will be going up soon.
What I want to do is open comments on the blog and really bring you all together. So let me know what you guys think and if you have any suggestions please do let me know. I love people with a voice.
So I have waited till the last minute to tell you guys that Beauty’s Breath is still not done.
I spoke to the editor and she said by next Wednesday but I have decided if it is not done on Tuesday next week I will publish it anyway by Friday and do my own editing as I do not know how long it takes for a person to edit a novel.
I really do apologise and hope in the future to find a new editor that is more competent with time and deadlines.
I will be posting a few adverts this week and the cover would be up from tomorrow as well as a synopsis.
Please do not send me bad mail, I am aware that you guys are upset and some just frustrated but it was really a lack of judgement from my side so I take full responsibility and will make sure the book is published on Friday 7th September 2018
“Sweet thang, I thought it was you.” Storm’s voice has me spinning so
fast I almost tumble and fall. Instead of falling and tumbling to the hard
ground and damaging my new dress and perfect skin, Vincent grabs my
arm, pulling me into his chest.
“This conversation is far from over Kylie, you and I are not done.” His
whispered words are heard clearly in my ear before he gives me a gentle
Just as I right myself, Storm’s arm is wrapped around my waist.
“Miss me Sweet girl.” His words aren’t just a question to me but a statement and warning to Vincent.
Storm is territorial, he is claiming me like the biker he is. I think it is sweet, cute but really unnecessary.
It is Christmas and I don’t want to ruin anyone’s mood so I let it slide
and walk with Storm to the bonfire ignoring the man with the face that
owns my soul staring daggers into my head.
“Thought you haven’t seen the guy in a while.” Storm points out as his fingers flex around my waist.
“I didn’t, guess he decided to show up for Christmas this year, past him as I was leaving.”
He chuckles, “When I sent the invite didn’t think you would show.”
“Gotta keep a man on his feet if he wants you in his bed.” I drawl, knowing he likes it when I do that.
He shakes his head with a big grin to his face, “Does that said man get a kiss.”
I stop walking. We are on the corner of the farm house, the bonfire just on the hill with at least forty bikers. I hear their lively shouts and curses and howling laughs.
I look at Storm, slip my backpack off my shoulder and shove it in to his chest.
Storm laughs and I admit the guy has a really good laugh, who knew a biker could be so darn cute with dimples. More so today, I can see he is glad I made it, and I admit I am glad I came too. Though my reasons are very different. It is refreshing that tonight I, Kylie Bray have a man who is happy to see me. Even if it isn’t the one I want.
I move to carry on with our trek, he stops me by grabbing my arm in a gentle yet firm caress, his eyes serious as he looks at me under the
Storm drops my bag, pulls me by my arm until I am plastered to his body, capturing my chin between his roughened fingers.
I tilt my head, staring at him, I don’t think a thought and neither does he as our mouths meet in a languid dual of star crossed lovers. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, and we kiss for the first time like we are more than just us.
Storm takes my mouth like I am his, and I don’t stop him. I don’t even allow myself an opportunity to come to my senses and slow things down.
I kiss Storm like we could have something, I kiss him with a false sense of hope.
That night was the night I would say Storm moved himself into my life.
It was on that day on the corner of the Satan Snipers clubhouse, under bright lights and watching eyes of a man that I didn’t know was watching
did the Satan Sniper’s vice president and I start our story.
I’m not going to say that it didn’t end well, I am not going to say that It wasn’t my fault he turned out the way he did.
Truth is, we are all pro choice, but sometimes our choices become duty,
sometimes those duties have consequences that alter so many peoples paths. Changes so many lives. Sometimes our choices are not our own, they are the outcome of peoples actions.